LEAN… OUT!

Women!  Be more like men. Men, as you were.” 

I love this quote from an October 13, 2019 New York Times article by Ruth Whippman titled “Why ‘Lean In’? It’s Time for Men to ‘Lean Out’.”  Not only does it show us what we’re up against, but it shows us an alternate way to proceed for the future even in our own Church.

The author is railing against what she calls a “fist-pumping restyling of feminism” which calls for women to chisel success in the world by using those formidable masculine tools we know so well, like assertiveness, forcefulness, control, domination, self-focus, and, of course, the skill to ‘lean in’ to get voices heard and demands met. In other words: “Women! Be more like men.” And men? Well, “as you were.”

We can see how this kind of thinking just reaffirms our gender prejudices and reinforces our dominant hierarchies. What is new here is not that something must change, but, for once, it should not, it cannot, it will not, be women. Instead, we will focus, for a change, on changing men …and women or any gender that thinks everyone should act like them. We will do it in the home, in society, in business, and especially in our own (as recently reaffirmed) oppressively patriarchal Church.

And so, I propose some sermonizing…by women and men.

I do so humbly. I think Catholic Women Preach does an outstanding job in letting our voices be heard. I only wish some of the reflections were longer. However, based on the above article, I would like to propose some new homily” or “preaching” topics for all church communities as a way to prepare congregants for future inclusion, leadership, affirmation, confirmation, and, as always, ordination for all:

• Curb your assertiveness and teach others to do the same. It’s not a lack of assertiveness by women that causes so many of today’s woes but over-assertiveness by men. As the author points out: “Women generally aren’t failing to speak up; men are refusing to pipe down.”

• Apologize without guilt and teach others to do the same. The media love to chastise women by labeling ‘apologizing too much’ as a main source of women’s failure to gain power. The author quoted a study postulating that women apologize more than men because they have a “lower threshold for what constitutes offensive behavior.” Her comment: “But really, isn’t a person with a ‘high threshold of what constitutes offensive behavior’ just a fancy name for jerk?” She adds: “The energy we spend getting women to stop apologizing might be better spent encouraging men to start.”

• Get over your masculine self and teach all genders to do the same. What if our preaching called for everyone to aspire to women’s, rather than men’s, cultural values: To be more careful and considerate. “To reflect and listen and apologize when an apology is due. To aim for modesty and humility and cooperation rather than blowhard arrogance.” As the author says: “Sell the female standard as the norm.” It would be a tough sell. We would have to work hard to overcome the impression that encouraging men to embrace female norms and values is emasculating and a form of humiliation. But do it successfully and watch what avenues open up for women and all genders.

• Give up grandstanding and face-saving and encourage others to do the same. What freedom! To allow ourselves to be unsure and insecure and to let others see us that way. And, oh, the connections we’ll make.

• Lean out and teach others to do the same: As the author says, “Reflect and consider the needs of others rather than assertively restating your own.” Amen.

 Men! Be more like women. Women, as you were.